In our relationships with each other, we tend to assume a certain reality that is quite different from the full truth of a matter. So, when misunderstandings occur, our assumptions have the potential of erecting barriers in our relationships without realizing it. This major barrier to proper relationships is our proclivity to make assumptions to “unchecked perceptions”, often leading us to jump to incorrect conclusions. It probably wouldn’t be a prolonged mental exercise to think about our problematic relationships which perhaps are due to various assumptions we made or are still making.
All our conclusions need to be based on facts that we get from one source or another. To draw true conclusions, those facts must be accurate and sufficient. Accurate means that they’re correct. Sufficient means that there are enough of them. Our assumptions get in the way of that process. There are many ways that we do this, such as: reading into situations, generalizing, labeling, speculating about the future, thinking the worst, reading people’s minds, hearing only one side of the story.
As humans we continually need to fight aspects of our nature. We must work hard to overcome. Assuming is such a pervasive characteristic of humanity that it becomes easy to do. It’s not surprising that God’s Word teaches us how to overcome this tendency in our relationships. For example, Proverbs 18:13 says, “He who answers a matter before he hears it, it is a folly and a shame to him.” We hurt the feelings of innocent people, create undue stress, waste time, cause misunderstandings, make wrong choices, create obstacles, and cause others to miss opportunities when we assume we know the facts of a matter.
Do we really know what makes each other “tick”? Do we know why people are the way they are? Do we know all their life’s trials, either past or present? While we should not reason away people’s bad decisions nor cast aside righteous judgment, we should, at the same time, always be mindful that there are usually many unknown factors that lead them to make certain decisions.
How can we be taught not to make assumptions and not jump to conclusions?
First, we simply need to acknowledge that many of our conclusions are based on nothing more than assumptions. This may sound simple, but it’s quite difficult to put into continual practice. We jump to conclusions when we interpret assumptions to be facts. If people are looking at you while laughing, do you jump to the conclusion that they are ridiculing you? Frequently, that assumption is interpreted as a fact. This becomes difficult if a particular situation or person has “wronged you” previously and we immediately assume the worse. Such a wrong assumption “comes back to bite us.”
It’s a bit challenging to assign definitive, practical steps to help us overcome this proclivity, other than taking the tools of prayer and study seriously. The tendency to make assumptions is very much tied to an overall outlook on life. That outlook can be dramatically affected by prayer – asking God to help us use His spirit to look at people and relationships in a positive way. Changing our mindset is very much a spiritual matter that requires spiritual solutions. Both prayer and study can help us combat reacting to situations based on assumptions. We need to become proficient at acknowledging our tendencies to make mistakes.
Consider: Proverbs 25:2 “It is the glory of God to conceal a matter (There are some things we won’t know), But the glory of kings is to search out a matter.”
Second, after acknowledging our tendencies, make an effort to get informed. Acknowledging that our conclusion is an assumption, we know that it needs to be verified and that the only way to verify it is to collect all the relevant and reliable facts we can. If someone is laughing while looking your way, perhaps it would be appropriate to simply ask, “what’s so funny?” Getting informed, collecting all the relevant and reliable facts that we can, will help lead us to a correct conclusion.
An example concerning this point can be found over in Deuteronomy when Moses was instructed to appoint leaders among the people. These leaders were being taught how to judge. “If you hear someone in one of your cities, which the LORD your God gives you to dwell in, saying, “Corrupt men have gone out from among you and enticed the inhabitants of their city, saying, ‘Let us go and serve other gods’ – which you have not known’ – then you shall inquire, search out, and ask diligently. And if it is indeed true and certain that such an abomination was committed among you, you shall surely strike the inhabitants of that city” (Deuteronomy 13:12-15). Note, their assessment was to be thorough and impartial, not based on the human mind or human emotions.
Lastly, God’s spirit is a spirit of a sound mind, but more importantly, it is a spirit of love. Assumptions are not only to be verified by facts, they should also be based on a heart filled with mercy and forgiveness. In 1 Corinthians 13:7 Paul here says that love “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things.” Some translations say, “Love believes the best.” It holds out hope that things may be different from what they seem. That is a loving approach. This is where the right approach begins: catching ourselves before we make negative assumptions by starting off making positive ones.
Making Assumptions About God
In Genesis 18: 9-15 ESV, (God appears to Abraham again, with some angles): “They said to him, ‘Where is Sarah your wife?’ And he said, ‘She is in the tent.’ The Lord said, ‘I will surely return to you about this time next year, and Sarah your wife shall have a son.’ And Sarah was listening at the tent door behind him. Now Abraham and Sarah were old, advanced in years. The way of women had ceased to be with Sarah. So Sarah laughed to herself, saying, ‘After I am worn out, and my lord is old, shall I have pleasure?’ The Lord said to Abraham, ‘Why did Sarah laugh and say, ‘Shall I indeed bear a child, now that I am old?’ Is anything too hard for the Lord? At the appointed time I will return to you, about this time next year, and Sarah shall have a son.’ But Sarah denied it, saying, ‘I did not laugh,’ for she was afraid. He said, ‘No, but you did laugh.’”
There is quite a bit of sarcastic laughing going on here. Regarding the promise of a son, there were just too many obstacles. And so her laughter can reveal many of the assumptions we commonly make regarding God and His plan for our lives.
First, we assume that God will work within a certain time frame. When God makes promises to us, we like to set an alarm clock. We set a certain amount of time we’re willing to wait for those promises to be fulfilled. Think about Sarah. It was twenty-four long years since God made the promise of a son. Much of that time was probably spent trying to conceive a child, then finally just giving up. She didn’t know that God’s delay was aimed at demonstrating that nothing is impossible with God. “The Lord visited Sarah as He had said, and the Lord did to Sarah as He had promised. And Sarah conceived and bore Abraham a son in his old age at the time of which God had spoken to him. Abraham called the name of his son who was born to him, whom Sarah bore him, Isaac” (Genesis 21:1-3). The lesson is profound. God took what was dead (a dead womb) and produced life through that—produced a whole nation in fact.
Second, we assume that God is limited by our inherent abilities. We often think according to the limitation of what is physical. If we are discouraged by our lack of abilities or if we’re overconfident in what we believe are our great abilities, either way we’re making the wrong assumption if we think that ability is the limiting or determining factor in life. God can use our abilities. However, He doesn’t’ need them. He did not need Sarah’s womb to be viable at the time of His promise to Her and Abraham.
Third, we assume that God’s work is limited to those who don’t make mistakes. Sarah wasn’t perfect, neither was Abraham. But like Abraham, she also grew in faith through her experiences. God was able to overcome her limitations and failures. “The Lord visited Sarah as he had said, and the Lord did to Sarah as he had promised. And Sarah conceived and bore Abraham a son. And Sarah said, ‘God has made laughter for me; everyone who hears will laugh over me.’ And she said, ‘Who would have said to Abraham that Sarah would nurse children? Yet I have borne him a son in his old age.'” Genesis 21: 1,6-7).
God also took David, the least from a family, who made some serious mistakes and made him king over Israel. He took Paul, a man vehemently opposed to God’s way, even involved in murdering God’s people, and made him one of the most successful proclaimers of God’s way of life to the entire world. We have all made mistakes in our lives, but we should not assume that we can’t be useful instruments in God’s hands.
In summary, we can see that making assumptions can and does have very profound effects on our relationships with our friends, acquaintances, and God. Regarding our relationships with each other, God’s Word reveals that we need to diligently seek out the truth of a matter and to practice a way of thinking that doesn’t automatically think negatively. Not toward God or our fellow man. Not only do we have to stop erecting walls, but we also need to begin tearing them down. Examining our perceptions and assumptions can accomplish both.
By Tim Vail