Devotion to fulfilling marital roles begins with a devoted relationship with the God who created the marriage unit. He gives success to those who are devoted to His pathway to unity. There is just one path: Godly love and respect. Besides being devoted to incorporating love and respect into our marriages through prayer, we need more specific concepts to pray for. Below are five specific points to pray about which can help restore a damaged marriage to a peaceful unity of mind and heart.
Pray that you and our spouse become one mind
Husbands and wives must have one mind. Getting on our knees praying together or apart about becoming a unified mind is crucial (Philippians 2: 2-5; Romans 12:16-18). Remember, God desires godly offspring. That requires godly parents who provide a safe, unified environment for their children. Even when there are no children, each partner needs to give peace to their spouse, a safe haven. Godly governance is a system of loving authority designed to work within a spiritually minded family. It results in mutual submission, forbearance, patient endurance, loving kindness, and being responsive to your respective roles in the family.
Generally, men and women think differently. The theme of the book Woman Are from Venus, Men Are from Mars is about getting men and women on the same page and how you use that understanding to strengthen a family. We can allow these differences to divide and instill independence and self-sufficiency. This is not God’s intent (I Corinthians 11:11-12).
Pray that you both strive for the same goals, the same priorities. Define them. The goals for our homes are to reflect God’s family-style governance not a military or corporate organization chart. With spouses working together to achieve the same goals, they can grow to work as closely together as God and Christ do.
This requires earnest prayers about the issues that create separation within the marriage. Ask God to change your heart. God expects the husband to lead a reconciliation. The husband must humble himself before God to accomplish the safe haven He intends a family to grow within. If the wife is the one who is converted and she’s married to an unconverted husband, she must take the lead and invite God in. Both spouses are to strive to unify their families in peace, which can only be accomplished when husbands and wives are united and functioning in their roles.
Pray for compassion towards your family
Compassion is directly connected to our understanding of our spouse’s need for respect and love. Compassion means having deep sympathy toward our spouse in any area of concern and a sincere desire to help. An expression of outgoing concern. To listen. Compassion allows people to feel safe physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Ask God to give you the compassion and the patience to listen to one another. Love will grow: (Psalms 116: 1-2 CEB).
Pray that God will help you be loving and respectful
Christ loves and respects the Church with fidelity, consistency and passion, no matter how imperfect the Church is. He’s the One that purifies us. We are to have that same deep love and respect for our spouse and family. As husbands we must realize how much our love and acceptance mean to our wives. We must not withhold love under any circumstances. A husband who is truly respected by his wife is stronger and more assured. He’s not a timid man when his wife respects him. If a husband feels stronger and assured, he’ll take the lead. We must ask God to give us the ability and a desire to love and respect our mates which will enable us to create a safe place to heal together as an intact unit. If we fail at loving and respecting one another, how can we ever prove to God that we will be the loving leaders that He desires to be with Him in His Kingdom.
Pray that God creates in you a tender heart
Tenderheartedness is the ability to have a soft heart toward those who experience sorrow or are offensive or wretched (Colossians 3:12-13 NLT). We must have that same tenderness within our families, towards our spouses and our children. We all have strengths and weaknesses. No one has perfect control of their emotions. We all struggle with repentance and change. The family unit is the God-ordained place where forgiveness is learned and to be practiced correctly. If we allow hardheartedness to dominate our interactions with our spouse or our children, it will drive a wedge that is difficult to remove. God is quite clear about hardheartedness: “But in accordance with your hardness and your impenitent heart you are treasuring up for yourself wrath in the day of wrath and revelation of the righteous judgment of God” (Romans 2:5). The only way to overcome hardheartedness is to ask God for tenderheartedness.
Ask God to help you be courteous
All these points fold into each other, however, we need to think about them as separate items. Do we ever speak rudely to our spouse and children in ways we would never do to somebody else? Do we show more respect for our personal possessions than members of the family? This is one of the most damaging behaviors any person can do to a relationship. If we do these things, we must apologize with heartfelt sorrow. Recognize that your disrespectful approach needs to change, that you need to be a more courteous, respectful, caring family member.
Being courteous is not only expressed in what we say. It’s how we say it. It’s how we use our voice. Our voice reveals how we truly feel. Children and wives can be broken by the harshness of a man’s voice. Discouragement and broken heartedness ensue. The soft voice of a mother with her baby is sweet, but if it becomes a shrill voice toward her spouse or children, they lose heart. We possess the power in our voices, to either destroy or to build up. It is why we must be incredibly careful how we speak and respond in every situation. Proverbs 25:11-12 says that ” A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver. Like an earring of gold and an ornament of fine gold Is a wise rebuker to an obedient ear.”
All our words, even when correcting, should be spoken in a civil courteous tone of voice. Whenever we need to instruct, teach, or correct, it is helpful to pray beforehand that God gives us a right attitude and words to enrich our family member from a right, courteous heart. This approach will contribute to a sense of safety and of loving concern that each family member needs.
Oneness of mind, compassion, a loving, respectful approach, tenderheartedness, and courteousness are five attributes that we each need to possess to strengthen our marriages and families. Praying for each of these is essential to restoring damaged marriage relationships. Practicing these will shape us into individuals that we need to be — devoted individuals in a family joined together as one cohesive unit. Each united family strengthens other families, and the Church community.
Bill Hutchison